Rescued from livejournal. Important to note these were from a very long time ago.

 

 

The night it happened to you
It happened to me all over again
The realness of pain hit me like it never had before
Its in my past, but it hurts you now

My past is not a pretty one
Not full of laughter and smiles there
The freshness in mind tells me why you feel this way
Its not your past, it’s the past that’s mine

Now you feel how I felt
And I hate it all the more today
The truth is I hate it, but I know you must go through
The trial there is to find yourself

The trial is long and hard
I had to face it alone at night
Because noone understand the pain I felt, and noone could
But I know the pain, I felt it rain

Your smile captured me
It threw your web and pulled me in
Now I long to see that smile again, and want to be the one within
But I know you can’t right now

It’s easy for me to say I’ll be there
But I know its hard for you to accept
Right now it seems the world is wrong, and theres none to trust
And honestly I don’t blame you

However long it may be
Let me just explain to you that
I will be here through the rain and hope to see the sun rise again
Cause a sun rose within myself

___________________________

I don’t know whats going on anymore
Feels like where I go I go it alone
To feel the lack of an embrace
Feels like more than I can take

I wish I knew who I was
I wish I saw just what it takes
I wish I knew how to find it
I wish I saw just how to

I see you but I don’t know what to do
It’s like I’m in another place
You’re so perfect it scares me
But are you really there

I wish I knew who I was
I wish I saw just what it takes
I wish I knew how to find it
I wish I saw just how to….

Ride the wave to the end of the day
Can I find the perfection that seems to hard to make
Is it worth the risk of dying
Inside where there is so much hurt

Perfection strains to be a part
But can it really be true
Can it be that life is meant to be that good
Will I ever feel that life?

I wish I knew who I was
I wish I saw just what it takes
I wish I knew how to find it
I wish I saw just how to seize the day.

___________________________-

So the people say to be myself
But who am I?
I have left so long I wonder
If all of me has died.

Do you really want me to be myself?
Or do you want me to be who you think I am?
Do you love the me that live inside
Or are you in love with the person you made in your mind?

Time is passing, people changing
There is no way to tell me who I am
Life is going, love is fading
There is no way to change the way it is

So you say you love me
But who am I?
Is it me you long to love
Or is it just the act

________________________________________________

Your love tortures me, from the depths of my soul I know the quaint reality but it’s captured me. Love so real you’ll never know, love so deep you cannot go, its too far from reality, but this love tortures me.

I will give you my all, everything I own I’d give to you, more than romeo to juliette to you I give. I would starve myself to fit, hate myself to love, kill myself to live more of you.

The pang of hurt again is felt, the love I know is there must be hidden away, Hidden away from yourself, and you wish for me the same. I love you so I will, but this love I have will torture my heart to the depths of the deep.

_________________________________________________________

As I sit here I wonder how it is I feel that I
Have left the world of God and grace for a life felt left behind.
The surest of things fail to safe the horror of a lie
Has left me now with none to say, but what am I to cry
Deceit and lies can hold you down
When you thought they were now
A choice not made to turn the page
When the battle is all a lie
From here to there I see your face
Of the ones I left behind
There’s no more time to read the fate
Of the battles only crime
The things felt less then commonplace
Fit in all in line
When the world you know is shattered by
A deceit held with a lie
The ones you think you know the most
May try hard to keep you near
Problem is you realize
You’re not their best to find
Here I come to turn the page
Or feel my heart decry
The legend of a changing face
Of a life Ive failed to find

 

As I sit here in the corner of a room at the bottom of the world
So that I can only see the light from the other end of the world
Sometimes only darkness can make the light seem bright
When all you do is crawl in the bottom of a place not to love

Live the day to make it go away
Love the life to make it seem better.
Run the race to keep it burning brighter
From the life of unsurpassed grief

Things in life refracted, tho their never retracted
You think you see one thing, but its just light refracted to set it up.
I cry to just laugh some more, I laugh just to cry
It doesnt matter when or where or why

 

So you say that Im your hero
That the beginning ends with me
I live to see the pride in your eyes,
But in me you will not see it.

Its only a matter of time til I
I will scare you too
Truth is that Im no hero,
Thats just what I wish to be.

As long as you look
Perfection is not me
As long as you think
All I will be is disgrace

Could you come and save the hero
OR are your eyes to blind to see
That Im sinking in the sand you think your in
When in truth, its solid ground.

Im sinking, its past my knees, but you have no eyes to see
I reach out, grasp at the air I breathe, but it lets me down

 

Why should I care about something thats left me behind
Why should I love the things that have no remorse
For the things that happened, that cut out the rind
For the people who showed me, caring is so much worse

Could I let you back in my life
You, the cause of all my strife
Could you tell me what it is
To love the one that deserted you.

Will you love me? Or should I just hang it up
Try again another day, many fish in the sea
But no fish can match the likes of you
Besides, I can see through you in your eyes

You see through me like noone can
Myself I cannot find, but you found me
Tell me why I cant help but fall
Into your arms again

The one thing you never gave the chance,
May be the one thing you want the most.

 

Can I contemplate the pain you feel,
Can I show you what I feel tonight?
Is there a way to describe what it is to be stripped?
Of one loved so much by all

He cries to see his own suffer
In the end, we will go home
Suffer to understand that this life was not a loss
Again, she will be home

The pain is felt from all around
Time heals, but wounds scar
Live to see another day
A day that God has given

God will use the worst of things
To come to be the best of things
You may never see the plan in his mind
But I promise it will be true

 

When I wake up I seem to find
The best of life was left behind
Troubles of today seem to decay
Every reason you have to go on

It’ll get better if you hold
To things you know wont leave you cold
Things will get better if you know
But maybe you can’t see

Screams in the night
Run the powerful to their knees
In the dark of night
Life turns cold and dark

Hold the secrets of the day
In the dark it’s lost its way
Look for the flare in the eyes
Of those who do not know

When the lights go out
The things in life, they change
Reality is seen here
When the world won’t look for it

 

Don’t Push

As I sit here in the corner of my room
My mind drifts to things unknown
From the past Ive come to be known
Day by day spell out my doom

As I walk this road seems I walk it alone
From time to time you’ll show up, but
I wish you would grow up
Naivity doesn’t look good on you

Let me go to find myself
Dont push me in the way you want
That is why Im here
I do what Im pushed to
And I lost myself
Just get off my back

If you care about me
Then walk with me
Dont you try to push me
Cause Ive seen the last of that

On the Horizon

Past so far is all my strife
Ive looked to get past this life
This is the best shot I have
Lead me from a broken home to your own

Dreams of blue horizons stick in my head
One day you’ll understand your all I want
Dream of the night sky, you’ll see me there

On the horizon is where you are
I find ecstacy in this dream
Of you being here with me

My past so dark you cannot see
Do you see the emptiness inside of me
This is the best shot I have
Lead me from this darkened room into your own

Our past is past we cannot stay
Future can be clear and true today
This is the best shot we have
Lead us from our past to find our home.

Cry of Morning

Dreams drowning you today
You wish that they are here to stay
The cry of morning as you wake
Remind you that what you saw, was just a dream

Just a dream it fades away
Takes you far away from where you are
Leads you to a better day
Cry of Morning shows the path your on

Cry of morning change in time
For my dream to be to mine
My hope in life til the day
My dreams and life are one
Cry of morning keep in line
So I know how to look
To make my dreams come true
In the deepest part of you

Stranger

From this day forth until my life could be
Closer to what it should be, in your eyes
I may not be who you believe I should be
Closer to myself but to love another

You will understand this stranger beside you
The more you see the less you know
You will never know me
It is not a matter of wrong or right
Love is all I have, or I have no breath life
I will always love you

Misunderstood is what I am
Created inside in the cold, where I feel
But yet I am warm nonetheless
I want to show the love Ive never known

No more

Find a way to proudly say
There are no more tears in me
Addiction had a hold on me
I will learn one day to beat it

I search the world for someone
Who understands and believes in me
But none have gone through or begun
To understand that which they do not see

I’ll believe in you, please believe in me
Together we’ll get through, eventually
All you have to do is believe

I found you, believe in you
With you here I found I believe
You know what it is to perceive
That something has a hold on you

Stories told as life unfolds

Can you tell me how to find
The one to last all time
Will you reach out for me
When all I see is pain?

Can you love me still today
Can you promise to still stay
When all else fades away
Can you love me?

The play unfolds with stories told
The life that seemed so simple
Turn to be complicated
Yearning for normalcy

 

Lost inside a whirlwind
Where I always end up in the end
Everything I know is doubted
And I have to start again

Tell me its over, please tell me its over
The nightmare that will not go away
Tell me its over, please tell me its over
It seems so real, is it real?

Lord help me for I am falling again
Falling down so low to the ground
Things change and people change so quickly
Now I have to start again

Start again, must I start again
I hate this change, must it stay?
I love and I lose, but would you stay?

Tell me its over, please tell me its over
This nightmare will not go away
Tell me its over, please tell me its over
It seems so real, please tell me its not.

 

As he raises his hand you begine to understand
That no love is worth the hate that you feel
Now you’re running out of pain
And all these feelings feel the same
So you close your eyes and wish it all away

And I lie awake and I try to say
Anything I know just to ease your pain
But you hide away where no one can see
And its only you you that can set you free

Now the time has come again
So you reach deep down within
To find the strength that you have buried there
As you turn to walk away you can still hear him say
You’ll never make it in this world alone

You try to fight (you try to fight)
You hide the pain (you hide the pain)
You walk away (never again)

 

Yeah, its alot.

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